can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
