My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
