If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
