I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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