so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
