Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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