He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
