Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
