i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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