is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
