Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
