I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
