He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Randomize
