I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
