On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
