yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
