i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize