Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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