Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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