the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
