my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
