Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
