You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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