real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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