So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
