I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
