Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
