community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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