Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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