I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
