miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
