i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
