so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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