he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's paint friendship bongs
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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