Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
