Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
