Whats the glycemic index on semen?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
