So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
