Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
