This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
