there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they call him Oral-B. enough said
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize