my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
