fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
