tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
