He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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