I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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