This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
