too bad you live with your parents still
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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