I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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