So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
