6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
