Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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