I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
