i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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