We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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