I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
