you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
