Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is the high leading the old right now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
