The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
