You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
