I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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