I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
