Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
