I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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