I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize