i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
