bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
