I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
