Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
