I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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