I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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