Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I skipped work to stalk him.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
