he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
