cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
