Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
