Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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